1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:02,079 Is that... 2 00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:18,207 _ 3 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,621 Gummy-bear. 4 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,088 - How are you? - Jack? 5 00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,759 Hey, have you heard from our... our kids? 6 00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:28,293 Hey, uh... Mr. Randall. 7 00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,495 Nate Parker here, uh, Robin's husband. 8 00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:32,765 Uh, uh, we're just calling all our family members 9 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,099 to see if the kids have checked in. 10 00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,635 You know, it's just what you do when they go... 11 00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:38,370 What was that? 12 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,772 Has someone tapped the phone? 13 00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:42,174 Mom! Get off the phone, please! We're on it. 14 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,376 Please tell me this line is secure. 15 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:47,312 Hi. It's Helen. What's the soup tonight? 16 00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,381 Mom, get off the phone! 17 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,517 You want to call me back at a more convenient time? 18 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,719 No, I don't want to wander all the way down the hall 19 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,122 for that mop water you call hot and sour. 20 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,590 What's the soup? 21 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,859 - It's chicken noodle. - Oh, that's great. That's her favorite. 22 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,662 - I don't know what the soup is. - Well, don't lie to her about the soup. 23 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,093 - It's important. - It's not! 24 00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:06,231 Oh, I'm sorry. 25 00:01:06,296 --> 00:01:07,732 So, if you were expecting chicken noodle 26 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,734 and some stringy garbage like vegetable medley shows up, 27 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,069 you're not gonna be pissed about it? 28 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,071 We're looking for our ch... Jack? 29 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,073 Has either Delilah or Jared contacted you? 30 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,676 Uh, they have, yeah. Twice, in fact. 31 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,277 About a year ago at the Canadian border, 32 00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:20,879 the girl came to see me about a job, 33 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,415 but she wasn't cut out for it. 34 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,099 She's not like you. Her moral compass is too strong. 35 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,354 She also doesn't have your natural gift 36 00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:31,356 for sociopathic deception. 37 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,561 What's the chicken tonight? 38 00:01:36,562 --> 00:01:37,963 General Tso's chicken, lady. 39 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:38,966 Don't do that voice. 40 00:01:39,004 --> 00:01:40,016 Thank you, Ling. 41 00:01:40,018 --> 00:01:41,268 Mom, that wasn't Ling! 42 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,567 Sounds like Ling! 43 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,503 Mom!! Get off the phone! 44 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,038 Jack, when was the second time 45 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,105 you heard from Delilah? 46 00:01:47,416 --> 00:01:48,629 Uh... 47 00:01:48,915 --> 00:01:50,575 yesterday. 48 00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,044 She's on her way here, to Russia. 49 00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,512 I think she's bringing the boy. 50 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,913 Why wouldn't you call me?! 51 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,314 Because she told me not to. 52 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,982 She doesn't want to see you. 53 00:01:57,984 --> 00:01:59,317 She's my daughter. 54 00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,119 Uh-huh. And you're my daughter. 55 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,998 And the last time we spoke, you said, and I quote, 56 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,991 "Stay out of my life, you meddling old man. 57 00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:08,766 Don't ever contact me again." 58 00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:10,328 And I respected that. 59 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,930 All right, well, I'm nothing like you. 60 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,732 Oh, but you are. 61 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,001 Nobody escapes who they really are. 62 00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,671 - Are those gunshots? - I tell you, Ling, 63 00:02:18,673 --> 00:02:20,405 the way this neighborhood is going, 64 00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,207 I wouldn't be surprised. 65 00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:25,810 There were some negro children playing hopscotch suspiciously, 66 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,011 - and I... - Get off the phone! 67 00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,747 And I called... 68 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,284 Listen, I'll keep my eye open for the kids, 69 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,886 but I got to be honest with you, 70 00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:35,487 my hands are really full right now. 71 00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,296 Not the Taurus. 72 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,430 Shit. 73 00:02:50,843 --> 00:02:54,439 _ 74 00:02:54,873 --> 00:02:55,920 _ 75 00:03:04,426 --> 00:03:05,450 Hello? 76 00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,985 Oh, hey, there. It's Nate Parker calling. 77 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,186 What's the dessert tonight? 78 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,922 We don't want orange slices and milk again. 79 00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:11,390 It's not dessert. I know. 80 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,125 We ordered the Golden Nosh plan, 81 00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,527 and that comes with, at least, babka or hamantaschen. 82 00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:18,330 Uh, what is hamantaschen? 83 00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:32,410 Would you get a haircut 84 00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:34,613 or at least buy a hat to get it out of your eyes? 85 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:35,948 Okay, relax, Mom. 86 00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:38,350 Don't ever call me that. I'm nothing like her. 87 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,352 That woman is a sociopathic liar 88 00:03:40,359 --> 00:03:42,353 who would say anything to get what she wants. 89 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:43,408 Well, hello, there. 90 00:03:43,442 --> 00:03:45,223 You two looking for your parents? 91 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,160 No, I'm a palliative caregiver, and my patient here 92 00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,162 doesn't have too much time left. 93 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,165 He always wanted to see Red Square. 94 00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:55,700 What are the chances we can get on a flight to Moscow? 95 00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,235 You're pretty young to be a doctor. 96 00:03:57,749 --> 00:03:59,972 You're pretty "in a vest" to be a nosy douche. 97 00:04:00,636 --> 00:04:02,240 Okay. 98 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,108 Well, I've got something for ya. 99 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,577 Looks like we're gonna getcha there. 100 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,379 Well, good, 'cause that's your job. 101 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:10,248 No direct, unfortunately. How 'bout a one-stopper? 102 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,450 That would be great, thanks. 103 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,452 That would be great if I could find that. 104 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,520 Which I can't. 105 00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,990 I do, however, have a two-plus stop. 106 00:04:18,369 --> 00:04:20,459 How many stops is that, "Welcome to Walmart"? 107 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,328 It's just a vest. They make me wear it. 108 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,263 And it's nine stops. 109 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,367 You know what? You're nothing like Mom at all. 110 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,036 She would have told him he looked hot in that vest, 111 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,403 and we would have gotten there direct. 112 00:04:33,808 --> 00:04:36,741 Nine stops?! That is miserable. 113 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:38,210 - Why didn't you do your thing? - What thing? 114 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:39,544 You know, your thing. This thing. 115 00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,146 How am I supposed to show my tits 116 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,481 to an international ticket database? 117 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,037 I don't know, I'm not the sociopath. 118 00:04:44,038 --> 00:04:46,138 - All right. Easy with that. - Okay, let's find another airline, 119 00:04:46,139 --> 00:04:47,352 and... Oh, shit. 120 00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:51,289 This guy. Well, yo ho ho, and a bottle of dumb. 121 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:53,958 I get it. I get it. 122 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,094 That's a reference to me. Because I'm the ho. 123 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,562 And he's the bottle of dumb. 124 00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,798 I mean, it's funny, 'cause it's true, 125 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,098 'cause he's so dumb. 126 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,700 Yeah, I know, right? 127 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:02,709 What are you doing? 128 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,862 Gene here is taking his handsome man trip 129 00:05:04,895 --> 00:05:05,904 - to Russia. - Handsome man. 130 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,527 That's a, uh... charter flight? 131 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:08,708 - Charter flight. - Charter flight. 132 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,775 There's plenty of room on those things for anybody. 133 00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:11,976 Plenty of room for you. 134 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:12,984 Oh, God, for me. 135 00:05:13,010 --> 00:05:14,024 Let's do this. 136 00:05:14,126 --> 00:05:15,459 Excuse me, sir. 137 00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,117 God damn it. She is good. 138 00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:22,587 Coats, watches, jewelry, shoes, and belts 139 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,456 must all come off and go into the bin. 140 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,591 Coats in the bin, shoes on the belt, 141 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,527 jewelry in the bins, belts on the belts. 142 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,729 Lace-up boots? That's such a rookie move. 143 00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:34,999 And change? Who the hell brings change? 144 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,869 Medallion Plus members shouldn't have to endure this. 145 00:05:36,871 --> 00:05:38,203 Any liquids in your bag, ma'am? 146 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,872 Of course, gotta stay hydrated. 147 00:05:39,874 --> 00:05:41,673 All liquids must be dumped in the garbage, ma'am. 148 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,007 Wait. It's just water. 149 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,143 - Why can't I bring water? - This guy brought water one time, 150 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,712 and didn't know there was actually a bomb in it. 151 00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:47,946 Have you never flown before? 152 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,414 Only private, douche. 153 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,749 Secondary! 154 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,484 Okay, ma'am, now with my prayer hands, 155 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,086 I will run them down your sternum 156 00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:55,954 between your mammary glands. 157 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,489 I don't think it's the government's job 158 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,558 to harass pretty little white girls. 159 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,560 - I'm tired of it. - Yeah, we're tired of it. 160 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,962 You say that out loud, and they call you a "racist." 161 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:07,031 And let you for "not reflecting the views of America." 162 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,633 Now with the backs of my thumbs, 163 00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,969 I will be tracing the outline of the mons veneris 164 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,171 down and parallel to your labial folds. 165 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:14,907 I mean, what have you ever done to anyone 166 00:06:14,909 --> 00:06:17,242 with that milky alabaster skin? 167 00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,511 And now, with bear claw hands, as to remain professional 168 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:23,048 and not accidentally insert any digits in your anal cavity, 169 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,250 I will be applying gentle pressure here. 170 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,452 You know what... Give me your hand. Give me your hand. 171 00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,186 Just get right up in there. Feel anything? 172 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,654 Anything in there? I got nothing to hide. 173 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:32,057 You know why? 'Cause I got a super-shallow crack. 174 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,458 Tertiary! 175 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,527 - What's that mean? - Basically, everything we just did, 176 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,862 expect one of us will still have his clothes on. 177 00:06:38,726 --> 00:06:40,465 This airport is unbelievable. 178 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,172 First, the TSA loses my shoes. 179 00:06:42,346 --> 00:06:43,936 Then the only shoes available for purchase 180 00:06:43,938 --> 00:06:46,538 are these orange heel-y things from Syra-shoes. 181 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,741 I swear to God, I feel so violated. 182 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,608 - Oh, shit. Oh, sh... - Oh, my God. 183 00:06:51,609 --> 00:06:53,011 - You okay, babe? - No. 184 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,156 Walk it off, babe. I'm gonna go get molested. 185 00:06:57,345 --> 00:06:58,350 You okay? 186 00:06:58,352 --> 00:07:00,352 Nope. 187 00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:02,388 Shit! 188 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,053 This is my chair. Get your gross feet off. 189 00:07:35,699 --> 00:07:36,855 Jesus. 190 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,457 Would you say you find trouble or trouble finds you? 191 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,326 Ugh! God! 192 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,793 First her with the feet, now him with the entire body. 193 00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:45,197 This is my chair! 194 00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:46,464 Don't use it as an assistive device 195 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,733 to get your fat ass up. 196 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:48,800 Engage your core. 197 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,136 And if you don't know where it is, lift up your gut and find it. 198 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:54,206 Ma'am, you cannot speak to people that way. 199 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,742 So I'm the asshole. 200 00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:04,616 Come on, man. Come on. Are you sleeping? 201 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,484 Move your seat up. 202 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,435 Don't worry about these little bumps. 203 00:08:10,436 --> 00:08:11,489 I'm not. 204 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,958 Did you... Did you lose your seat? 205 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,727 A little bit of a light chop. They call it turbulence. 206 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:15,728 Yeah, I know. I know. 207 00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:17,362 I-I forget why they call it that. 208 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,031 'Cause the... the air flow's "turbulent." 209 00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:20,366 Oh, that's it. That's it. 210 00:08:20,368 --> 00:08:22,434 And, of course, no reason to be nervous. 211 00:08:22,781 --> 00:08:24,702 Like I said, I-I'm not, but, you know, 212 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,638 I-I think you should really find your seat. 213 00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,914 Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts 214 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,449 and remain seated. 215 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,251 Well, looks like you're stuck with me now. 216 00:08:41,426 --> 00:08:42,672 You know what? 217 00:08:43,457 --> 00:08:45,063 How 'bout you... 218 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,393 have one of these? 219 00:08:47,797 --> 00:08:48,860 Oh, no. I shouldn't. 220 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,195 Oh, yeah. No, you should. 221 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,663 You should. It'll help your nerves. 222 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,066 I don't want to sit here and listen to 'em. 223 00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,332 Yo, yo, yo, yo! 224 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,668 This is the bro classical renaissance hypebeast. 225 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,604 - You got to be kidding. - The comedy Bugatti, 226 00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:01,807 the info Lambo, this is Mason The Block! 227 00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,475 Are you kidding me? 228 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,528 Can I just cut to the right now, fam? 229 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:09,615 How tired are we of this Cheeto in Chief? 230 00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:13,218 This guy's so orange, 231 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,953 nothing rhymes with him. 232 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,289 He's such a criminal, 233 00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:20,092 orange is the new orange. 234 00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:28,033 My producers told me that was intellectual comedy. 235 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,570 Jesus Christ, another unique take on politics. 236 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,440 What's he eviscerating this week? 237 00:09:34,442 --> 00:09:36,241 Why are you so judgmental? 'Cause he's your ex? 238 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,843 No, 'cause he sucks. 239 00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,311 If you have a TV show, you should be 240 00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:41,179 funnier and smarter than me, and he's neither. 241 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,914 Ow! Ow! 242 00:09:43,171 --> 00:09:44,782 Oh, my God, I love this guy. 243 00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,452 He is so funny and so smart. 244 00:09:46,454 --> 00:09:48,757 Why don't you be happy for the guy and say something nice... 245 00:09:48,843 --> 00:09:49,988 Mom? 246 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,858 Ha! A-ha! 247 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,860 Fine. I'm Mom. You happy? 248 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,194 Why would that make me happy? 249 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,266 I wish this was more of an à la carte thing, 250 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,069 'cause I've got 17's rack. 251 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,537 14's legs. 252 00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:07,739 9's nose, and, uh... 253 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,475 2's left eyebrow. 254 00:10:09,477 --> 00:10:10,676 Perfect. 255 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,813 Oh! That makes me so happy. 256 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,014 It's good. 257 00:10:16,302 --> 00:10:17,501 You know, it's funny, 258 00:10:17,666 --> 00:10:20,109 no matter how much I intellectualize it, 259 00:10:20,296 --> 00:10:22,707 - planes just doesn't make any sense. - Yeah. 260 00:10:22,847 --> 00:10:24,956 I mean, a big piece of metal in the sky? 261 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,025 I mean, h-how does that even work? 262 00:10:27,987 --> 00:10:29,227 Thrust and lift. 263 00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:32,364 I've heard that, but what does it even mean? 264 00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:33,431 Well... 265 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,033 Hi. 266 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,769 I don't want to alarm the other passengers, 267 00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,706 but we have slight medical emergency in the cockpit. 268 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,640 Our captain, Captain Ron Weaver... 269 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,709 Oh. 270 00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,978 - Has come down with a bit of the flu. - Oh. 271 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,646 And a little birdy told me 272 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,382 we have a reserve pilot here. 273 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:54,385 - Oh. - Yeah, and that birdy is ready to fly. 274 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,389 Wait, what? You're a pilot? 275 00:10:57,799 --> 00:10:59,257 You're so nervous. 276 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,792 Nervous flier. 277 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,729 Very, very confident pilot. 278 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,263 See? 279 00:11:06,184 --> 00:11:07,199 Oh. 280 00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:09,267 Except on these big birds. 281 00:11:09,713 --> 00:11:11,469 Not nearly enough experience. 282 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,472 The death multiplier on your mistakes is like... 283 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:18,076 - Okay. Here I go. - Wait. No, no, no! 284 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,477 You're letting that guy fly this plane? 285 00:11:19,757 --> 00:11:22,799 Ah, First Officer is fine by himself. 286 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,617 Why don't you have a drink? It'll calm you down. 287 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:28,820 I di... I had... 288 00:11:32,426 --> 00:11:33,892 It's funny, 'cause it's true! 289 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,427 Ow! Ow! 290 00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:39,898 He's not funny! 291 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,700 He's not even telling jokes! He's just dancing! 292 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,370 Ma'am, settle down, 293 00:11:44,372 --> 00:11:46,572 or we will have to put this plane on the ground. 294 00:11:46,574 --> 00:11:48,640 Folks, from the flight deck, 295 00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:51,109 looks like we're gonna have to make an emergency landing 296 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,379 due to the, uh... 297 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:57,249 excessive amount of vomit up here in the cockpit. 298 00:11:57,251 --> 00:11:58,716 Instruments are... 299 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,386 Aw, Jesus! 300 00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:02,921 The air sickness bag is right there, God damn it! 301 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,126 God damn it! 302 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,462 - Hey, where are we? - Ma'am... 303 00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:10,997 - Can someone tell me where we are? - Sit down. 304 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,491 You need to be seatbelted. It's the law. 305 00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,199 In what country? I don't what countr... 306 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,134 This country is just blank! 307 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,209 Babe! 308 00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:18,536 Babe?! 309 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,540 Yo, yo, yo! 310 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:29,040 _ 311 00:12:30,721 --> 00:12:32,992 _ 312 00:12:33,182 --> 00:12:35,182 _ 313 00:12:35,683 --> 00:12:37,494 _ 314 00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,495 _ 315 00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,740 - Why is he yelling at us? - I'm scared. 316 00:12:41,849 --> 00:12:44,725 _ 317 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,365 Who would've thought a half gallon of vomit 318 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,362 would write off an jet? 319 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,569 That's the Tupolev for ya. 320 00:12:53,545 --> 00:12:55,773 I can't believe they're making me cover my head. 321 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,242 Oh, my God, would you let it go? 322 00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:58,911 How about you don't have to worry about your hair for once? 323 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,246 Yeah, well, it's a double standard, Nate. 324 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,913 You know, you get to roll up here in clown shoes, 325 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,181 and I'm in head prison. 326 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,250 It's a beautiful scarf that I bought it. 327 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,652 It's an oppressive law. 328 00:13:06,654 --> 00:13:08,520 Oh, my God. Why can't it be the height of feminism? 329 00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:10,922 - Oh, my... - You're rejecting society's views 330 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,224 that you have to look sexy all the time. 331 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,292 I would like to have the choice to look sexy all the time. 332 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,194 I've known you for 16 years. 333 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,131 You've "chosen" to dress sexy for me twice. 334 00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:21,533 Yes, and I would like to have the choice to dress sexy. 335 00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:23,546 - I'm taking it off. - Don't do that here. 336 00:13:23,548 --> 00:13:25,967 - Ow! Ow! Ow! - _ 337 00:13:26,418 --> 00:13:27,614 _ 338 00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,377 _ 339 00:13:29,378 --> 00:13:30,890 _ 340 00:13:30,891 --> 00:13:31,891 _ 341 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:32,979 _ 342 00:13:33,048 --> 00:13:35,213 Oh, I'm sorry, I'm American. I don't speak oppression. 343 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,814 She's American. I'm half Canadian. 344 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,083 Scarf. Now. 345 00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,284 Make Up. Too heavy. 346 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,920 I've always told her that. She's a natural beauty. 347 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:45,491 Ah! Pants. Too short. This... too tight. 348 00:13:45,493 --> 00:13:46,958 Okay, you know what I'm gonna do? 349 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,827 I'm gonna do what the women around here 350 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:51,263 should have done back in 1979... 351 00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:54,833 I'm just gonna... 352 00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,570 Like this? Is this how you do it? 353 00:14:00,233 --> 00:14:01,432 Go. Thanks very much. 354 00:14:04,712 --> 00:14:06,644 Americans. 355 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,115 Shit. 356 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:12,050 Very cool shoes. 357 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,185 _ 358 00:14:21,438 --> 00:14:22,702 You need haircut. 359 00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:25,330 Please indicate on the form how you heard about Iran. 360 00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,399 I don't understand why we have to clear customs. 361 00:14:27,401 --> 00:14:28,666 We didn't even get off the plane. 362 00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,736 This is just stop eight on our way to Russia. 363 00:14:31,212 --> 00:14:33,471 How you heard about Iran? 364 00:14:33,863 --> 00:14:35,207 From a man in a vest. 365 00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:36,875 Oh, don't worry. Not a boom vest or anything. 366 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,744 Uh, we're not the kind of guys to bring that up. 367 00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:39,878 Please. 368 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,881 Write in how you 369 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,083 heard about us. 370 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,818 - There. - Stop being such a dick. 371 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:47,853 Just write it. 372 00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:53,625 A cat told you? 373 00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,093 Mm-hmm. He was Persian. 374 00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:00,766 Oh, yes. Hi. 375 00:15:01,225 --> 00:15:02,634 Oh, shit. 376 00:15:02,938 --> 00:15:04,302 Oh, sure, I'm a dick, 377 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,238 and then you go make a comment about the smell on here? 378 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,639 That's borderline racist. 379 00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,040 What? No. Look. 380 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,443 This curtain closes, right, to keep out the riffraff? 381 00:15:11,445 --> 00:15:13,178 First class! Come on, bab... 382 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,446 - Shit! - Whoa! 383 00:15:14,448 --> 00:15:15,713 Quick, let's go. 384 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:18,250 - Go where? We're on a plane. - We got to go to... Go to the back! 385 00:15:18,252 --> 00:15:20,986 Just get in the bathroom! 386 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:21,993 Go, go! 387 00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:25,591 Oh, shit. 388 00:15:25,593 --> 00:15:27,125 First class. 389 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,507 Thank you Uncle Gene 390 00:15:28,588 --> 00:15:31,660 for taking a year of Farsi in college. 391 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,532 I don't know what that means. 392 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,001 Boom! 393 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,603 We got a... We got blankets. 394 00:15:37,605 --> 00:15:39,605 I don't think that was Farsi. Awesome. 395 00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:41,807 Oh, look at this. Sleep mask. Mm-hmm. 396 00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:43,008 That'll come in handy. 397 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,010 I'll be too excited to sleep. 398 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,945 Nuts. I got nuts. 399 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,880 I got ear plugs. Yes. Mm-hmm. 400 00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:50,282 Socks! Socks! 401 00:15:50,284 --> 00:15:52,150 I got socks. 402 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,551 And d... dates! 403 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,220 Two dates! Double dates. 404 00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:56,844 Can I offer you a drink, sir? 405 00:15:56,845 --> 00:15:58,690 You know what... I haven't had an alcoholic beverage 406 00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:01,026 in over year, and I think it's about time. 407 00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,161 Yes, you can. I will take one of those 408 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,096 champagne and orange juice thingys. 409 00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,833 Unfortunately, Iran is a dry country. 410 00:16:07,835 --> 00:16:09,501 I know it's dry. That's why I need a drink. 411 00:16:09,503 --> 00:16:10,969 Mm, no alcohol. 412 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,304 I can offer you water. 413 00:16:12,458 --> 00:16:13,757 I'll gladly accept. 414 00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:16,108 - Still nice to be asked. - This plane smells so bad. 415 00:16:16,110 --> 00:16:17,509 Whoa. Whoa. 416 00:16:17,511 --> 00:16:18,776 You cannot say that. 417 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,646 - Why not? - 'Cause it's a loaded thing. 418 00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:22,781 You can't say other races smell bad. 419 00:16:22,783 --> 00:16:24,582 This plane is not a race. 420 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,319 And it would be racist to not say it smells bad 421 00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:29,655 because you're afraid you look like a racist if you do. 422 00:16:29,657 --> 00:16:31,056 Oh, look at this. 423 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,590 Fancy. It's just water. 424 00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:35,393 Folks, I want to apologize for the smell. 425 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:38,263 The economy bathroom is broken, and it really smells. 426 00:16:38,265 --> 00:16:40,065 This airline sucks. 427 00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:43,401 A little legroom. 428 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,670 I like that. 429 00:16:44,672 --> 00:16:46,604 Ahhh! First class! 430 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,606 First class! 431 00:16:54,682 --> 00:16:57,149 I've never seen a squat toilet on a plane before. 432 00:16:57,151 --> 00:16:58,684 Squat toilets are proven much more effective 433 00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:00,085 for passing stool. 434 00:17:03,113 --> 00:17:06,485 _ 435 00:17:06,487 --> 00:17:08,378 _ 436 00:17:08,379 --> 00:17:10,900 _ 437 00:17:10,902 --> 00:17:11,831 _ 438 00:17:11,832 --> 00:17:13,165 What does that mean? 439 00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:15,100 _ 440 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:16,768 Oh, that was close. 441 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,445 Do you hear that. 442 00:17:26,716 --> 00:17:27,716 Hmm? No. 443 00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:29,936 - Hey, can I get some more nuts? - Of course. 444 00:17:29,938 --> 00:17:32,477 Yeah. The hot ones... really good. 445 00:17:35,856 --> 00:17:37,523 You want to shower first, or should I? 446 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,212 _ 447 00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:48,734 Hoo. 448 00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:50,068 Thank you so much for that flight. 449 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,603 It was really, really... Merci. 450 00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:52,670 That's French, dum-dum. 451 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,540 - I'm happy you enjoyed. - No, I really... 452 00:17:54,542 --> 00:17:56,408 I don't want to overstep my cultural boundaries, 453 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:59,144 but, uh, your hijab... just beautiful. 454 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:01,213 It really is. It brings out your eyes. 455 00:18:01,215 --> 00:18:02,895 - Merci. - See? 456 00:18:02,897 --> 00:18:05,030 Yeah, okay. So, uh, I'm gonna go find my dad. 457 00:18:05,158 --> 00:18:07,325 You're gonna go to the American Embassy and get us some help, yes? 458 00:18:07,326 --> 00:18:08,686 Yeah. I know, I know. 459 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,288 Apropos of nothing, 460 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:12,824 This has been, like, the smoothest trip we have ever taken. 461 00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:14,092 I agree. 462 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,861 Aside from being slapped around by the Modesty Police. 463 00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,629 - Well, you kind of had it coming. - I'll take it. 464 00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:20,232 I just feel like it's easier when it's the two of us. 465 00:18:21,478 --> 00:18:23,569 You know, I think... I think maybe it's the kids that have been 466 00:18:23,571 --> 00:18:24,705 getting in the way the whole time. 467 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:25,771 Oh. Yeah, no. 468 00:18:25,773 --> 00:18:27,039 It is definitely the kid... 469 00:18:27,041 --> 00:18:28,595 Jesus Christ. 470 00:18:29,214 --> 00:18:30,242 Ugh. 471 00:18:30,244 --> 00:18:31,843 Quick. Let's go. 472 00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,107 Mom and Dad are gone. 473 00:18:33,981 --> 00:18:37,515 Please. Change into it. It's all I had. 474 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,317 Uh, no. Thank you. We couldn't. 475 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,586 Please. You wear it. 476 00:18:40,588 --> 00:18:41,987 You smell like shit. 477 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,896 This is scary. 478 00:18:50,898 --> 00:18:53,031 Totally. 479 00:18:53,517 --> 00:18:55,100 What the hell happened here? 480 00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:56,968 And why is there milk everywhere? 481 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:57,989 Eugh. 482 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,438 And why is there so many soccer balls? 483 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,773 Okay. Just focus, okay? 484 00:19:01,775 --> 00:19:03,641 You know, you got to dote on Peepaw a little 485 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,840 before we ask him for money. 486 00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:07,311 "Peepaw, we love you. Peepaw, we miss you." 487 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,247 Peepaw, why doesn't our mother let us have 488 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,782 "a meaningful relationship with you?" 489 00:19:10,784 --> 00:19:12,033 You know, shit like that. 490 00:19:12,168 --> 00:19:13,184 Peepaw! 491 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,920 Peepaw, your grandkids are here! 492 00:19:14,922 --> 00:19:16,254 Where the hell is he? 493 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,389 How should I know? 494 00:19:17,391 --> 00:19:18,656 This is where he said to meet him? 495 00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:21,993 Those are soldiers. 496 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,328 And they have guns in their hand. 497 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,730 And there's bullets all over the ground. 498 00:19:24,732 --> 00:19:26,865 - What the hell did you get me into? - I'm sorry. 499 00:19:26,867 --> 00:19:28,534 I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home. 500 00:19:28,536 --> 00:19:29,601 Okay, okay. 501 00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:30,737 Are you guys looking for somebody? 502 00:19:30,738 --> 00:19:32,294 Hoods down. Hoods down. 503 00:19:44,552 --> 00:19:46,435 My husband was right. 504 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,431 Those oppressive outfits... 505 00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:51,324 really do accentuate 506 00:19:51,325 --> 00:19:52,705 the features that matter. 507 00:19:55,429 --> 00:19:58,895 You have the most beautiful eyes. 508 00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:07,372 And I want you to know that you have the choice 509 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,575 to stop hiding anytime you want. 510 00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,311 Please. 511 00:20:16,784 --> 00:20:18,450 I'm so sorry. 512 00:20:18,452 --> 00:20:20,051 Don't be sorry. 513 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,454 Don't be sorry. 514 00:20:22,456 --> 00:20:24,656 No, you're fine. You're fine. 515 00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:25,924 You okay? 516 00:20:25,926 --> 00:20:27,593 I'm okay. I love you guys. 517 00:20:27,595 --> 00:20:29,861 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 518 00:20:30,435 --> 00:20:32,664 You're doing fine, right? 519 00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:34,400 Okay. Let's get out of here. 520 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,270 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 521 00:20:38,272 --> 00:20:39,673 Do you know him? Okay, just... No, I don't. 522 00:20:39,674 --> 00:20:41,673 Just shut up. Shh, shh. 523 00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:43,341 Hi. Hello. Hi. 524 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,077 You are J.R.'s family? 525 00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,615 Your dad... He's at the Embassy right now. 526 00:20:49,617 --> 00:20:51,584 He's gonna get us help, okay? He's gonna get us out of here. 527 00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:52,630 Okay. 528 00:21:06,928 --> 00:21:09,286 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com